How To Release Your Ego with Shalini Sarena Bahad
If you're in the rat race, take a pause. What is it that you're chasing? Is it that title? Is it a certain bracket of income that you're bringing in? Is it a certain neighborhood you want to live in?
And if so, what is it that getting that goal would bring to you? Would it make you feel validated? Would it make you feel powerful and successful? What is it?
Realize that these are sensation and feeling states that you already have within you and are not attached to anything external. Nothing external can categorize you or define you because you are love, you are light.
Modern day life is plagued with non-stop media that forces us to - consciously or not - compare ourselves to other people’s highlight reels. At times, this fear of not being good enough or not living up to a certain standard can be crippling. This fear can hold us back from following our dreams and living a peaceful life. Often times, when speaking about the pressures and stress of modern life, friends and colleagues bring up meditation.
This practice of meditation teaches us to examine our goals and release our attachments to external validation - essentially freeing us from the confines of our own anxious minds. Everyone finds their version of meditation and purpose in their own way, on their own path. Shalini Sarena shares with us how she was able to recognize the power of meditation and how it changed her life.
Shalini Sarena is an international mindset coach, yoga teacher, holistic healer and entrepreneur. She believes deeply in the importance of taking care of yourself and keeping healthy along your growth and ascension journey.
Shalini Sarena is also the Founder of the WomenInTech Channel which won the award for Best Account of the Year at the 9th Annual Shorty Awards. She has over a decade of experience in strategic partnerships and community development with startups around the globe.
Shalini is a citizen of the world. She was born in London, though she has lived most of her life in the US (between Miami, San Francisco, New York and Los Angeles). Shalini speaks five languages and has lived a location-independent lifestyle for the past five years. She lived most of last year in Bali, Indonesia and is currently based in Goa, India. In this episode you will hear about:
Her journey to coming to terms with her identity and name
How working in Silicon Valley and New York City changed and influenced her life
Why releasing your attachments to the ego is so important
Why ‘Potential’ is a dangerous word
The benefits of meditation
Today, I'm here with Shalini Sarena Bahad. She is a mindset coach, a Kundalini yoga teacher and the founder of Women in Tech. Shalini and I met for the first time when we were both starting our entrepreneurial journeys, venturing into the world of tech and Silicon Valley. And I knew Shalini as ‘Sarena’.
Shalini has gone on this incredible journey since then. And I'm excited to welcome you here today. What that transformation was from Sarena to Shalini, what happened to your identity? How did you find your truth?
Thank you for having me here Lisa. It's so exciting to reconnect after these years. And just to put that memory back in focus of us meeting in New York, that feels like a lifetime ago. I've evolved massively since then, as I'm sure you have as well. When we met then I was working deep in the tech space. I was living in San Francisco before that, and I was producing hackathons, coding competitions, and going to tech conferences every other weekend. And I was going by Sarena because I moved from England to America when I was 11 and I moved two months after 9/11. So my first name's Shalini. And since I moved to Miami, Florida with the hispanic accent. A lot of people would pronounce it Celani or SHAH-LI-NI.
And it just made me feel like more of an ‘other’. And my brother and I get bullied quite a bit in school, go back to your country you terrorists, these kinds of things. So from the age of 11, I wanted nothing to do with my culture, my background, because it didn't feel safe to own that and I felt “Sarena” is still my name. I love it. It's my middle name. It's more universal. "Sarena" it can be said in all types of backgrounds. And so I decided to go by Sarena.
And then as yoga and meditation started becoming a real focus point of how I live my day to day, I got really drawn to Kundalini yoga. And as I entered these Kundalini spaces, I more often than not would go into studios and ironically be the only Indian woman in the rooms. However, the curiosity and the interest sparked me more than hmm this feels off. So I leaned into it and I just learned and I would meet women who were white bodied women guiding these classes who were introducing themselves with Indian names, all the spiritual names that they had taken on, and they were pronouncing all these intonations wonderfully. So that was where this space came up of, Let me own my first name again, Shalini. These are spaces where people will be able to just spend the presence and attention to pronounce it correctly and be with me with that and where I can feel safe, bringing all of myself here.
I still have people who call me Sarena, some people call me Shalini, and that in and of itself has been a beautiful practice of un-attachment. I'm more than my name and I'm more than this label of oh, she works in tech or oh, she's a yoga teacher now. We're many things and we're multifaceted. I think this concept of name and identity is really interesting. I think, especially for people who have multiple cultures, right? Because these names can, as you've already shared, can invoke different reactions from people, especially if they perceive it as something different from them and can make us feel like outsiders.
One of the things that we both know is that being in tech, being in the hustle of Silicon Valley, and just modern life, it's like this nonstop, uphill battle, constant achievement. When is it ever enough? What it was your transition essentially out of it into a much more mindful and embodied space.
For sure. My parents had an arranged marriage. My mom's family is from Singapore. My Dad was born in India. They were married in England and that's where my brother and I were born. And when I moved to America, I started school two to three years younger than my peers. My father had remarried, and my former stepmother, she was 23, became my stepmother. She was also bipolar.
Living under her home was not the easiest thing as a teenager. And when I was in high school, I went to a Catholic high school in Miami, and I sang in the church choir. So even though I wasn't baptized, I'm really grateful that I had that environment because that all of a sudden was the first time Mantra was brought into my life.
I had a lot of girlfriends and friendships, and teachers had beautiful marriages and lovely family dynamics. Because I saw that, I put my focus on that and said, I choose this to be my frame of reference of what is true and what is possible. It's in my field, so it exists. So let me bring my attention here. And so when I was in high school, I worked really hard and got five scholarships going into university.
I was 16 and my father got a job opportunity at the time to move to Seattle, Washington and the whole family, my former stepmom, my brother and my little sister, my dad moved over. They were going to take me with them, however, I had enough scholarships to cover my housing on campus, my books, and such.
And I worked hard because I just didn't want to live under that kind of a roof anymore. And so when I garnered this independence and said, I'm going to stay here in Miami. And so I just worked really hard from those days from keeping up my scholarships. I had three jobs and I was interning every summer. And there was an element of, even though it was working hard, there was an energy of survival behind it. I had to, and that stuck with me when I moved into tech. And because I started university so young and there was this element of taking care of myself, just very survival elements. I, there was this mindset of when I make it's going to look like this. I'm going to be earning this kind of a salary. I'll have this kind of freedom in my life.
I was in my early twenties, running on pure adrenaline, met incredible people and I regret absolutely nothing. Super grateful for that experience. However, it was not balanced. I was not eating well and certainly not sleeping well. And that a lot of those memories I have from the like gatherings within the tech community, there was alcohol everywhere.
And then I moved to New York because I was craving deep diversity. And in San Francisco, I felt like my fullest expression wasn't able to be held there. Admittedly, I felt that a lot of these, I just wasn't seeing many faces like mine. I wasn't seeing women let alone women of color and coming from England, being Indian, living in Miami, where I have that Latin imprint as well, New York was really exciting in the sense that I'm hearing different languages again. I'm meeting people from me working in all types of industries.
And so I moved to New York and I was working at the world's first coding school, Dev Bootcamp. And now there's tens of thousands of alternate ways in which you can get into the tech space. I love that these coding schools and online programs that you can find, and you don't even need a program. Now, we live in a time where if you want to learn something, you can just Google it. You can find a course, find a mentor. And with the information era we have available to us, and what was really powerful about Dev Bootcamp is beyond just being a coding school. They really cared about being in a world of everybody that was going through the program.
When I was living in New York and I had my own place, I was making great money. I had this freedom and space all of a sudden where I was going and doing some inner work that I had booked up for many years. That's where those deeper questions of why am I actually here and how can I be most fully of service? That's where meditation, ironically, in a wild busy city, like New York, that is where meditation came into my life for the first time.
I think a lot of us, as you mentioned, survival mode, right? This was not the hamster wheel that you wanted to continue on, and you actively chose to get out of it. Which is something I think not to underestimate how difficult that is. Society is rewarding of these external goods and connections.
Big time. When I left that role, I had a lot of questions. Are you sure? What are you going to do? Are you going to sing kumbaya and do yoga for the rest of your life?
While I was at Dev Bootcamp, I saw that Women in Tech was available as a handle on both Snapchat and Instagram. And at the time Instagram didn't have video. It was all photos at the time. And so I wrote a medium post of why this needs to exist because there were so many listicles of sorts of top people in tech to follow on Snapchat and Instagram, and they were all men. And I knew so many incredible boss ladies who were crushing it around the world. And I would love to see a day in the life and what they've been building and what their day to day looks like. And so I wrote this post. Called up a few of my girlfriends did a Facebook post to garner interest on who would want to be a part of this project.
In 2016, I left my role at Dev Bootcamp to focus on Women in Tech, full time. And also I did my yoga teacher training that year in Bali. I'd never been there before. However,I had a lot of girlfriends from California when they came back from Bali, there was just the glow to their aura and this clarity. And so when I was at Dev Bootcamp and started Women in Tech and moved to Bali, there was this element of I know I can be of deepest service.
I think a lot of people have those moments, especially when you're young in your career. People will recognize potential. And I think potential is a really dangerous word, right? Because you have hang onto this potential and you have the weight of everyone's expectation. I think that society has us choose zero-sum labels. You're either this or you're that, and you have to choose.
I feel you on the element of potential, but potential is some future timeline. Oh, this thing could, there is no future timeline. If anything has been taught to us in 2020, there is just this present moment and show up and fully in the power of the now that's where the magic lies.
And yeah, these labels, I feel they start early in even university days where it's like, Oh, this, those are the jocks. Those are the nerds. And that whole niching thing that's, I feel that's just like a marketing game. I know many people that, and yourself very much included here, where I'm seeing more and more people own their fullness.
We get to be all of it. We get to play. We get to play that in that full spectrum. And even on social media, which has been really lovely. And I think video has been really helpful in this. You and I are in completely different continents, oceans apart, and now thanks to technology and video we're in the same room right now. And. When Instagram went from photos to now videos you got to, with video, you hear the tone of the voice and you can feel the vibration in that. The more people living in that truth gives us all the permission slip to be in our truth and essentially get into our hearts. And when we're in, when we're loving and honoring ourselves, you cannot be unloving to others because you see everyone is one.
I always say when you are unapologetically, authentically yourself, that you unconsciously, give others permission to do the same and really that focus on. And it's so hard, right? So hard to focus on yourself when everything you know about social media and just like the content that is always in our ears and our eyes is essentially asking us to compare ourselves to other people, their success, their, their love, their, like all the highlight reel essentially.
People are becoming far more aware though, and seeing that more and more. And you make that decision. Is your feed filled with Photoshop images of women that are not real? Is the feed actually with real people who are sharing real emotions, that they are navigating and real elements of their growth journey, which has been really beautiful.
And that's why we started Women in Tech. Forget this photo of a Corona on a beach and a Photoshopped to bikini body. I want to see my girlfriends around the map who are sharing.
What advice would you have for people who are on that sort of never ending treadmill. I saw that over 90% of Americans are unsatisfied. They're dissatisfied with their jobs. Not excited to wake up. Stressed, anxious, burnt out.
What advice do you have for someone that they could do today to make a small change? If they're not ready to say, I'm gonna follow my dreams and follow my love.
So first it's bringing deeper awareness to what is happening. If you're in the rat race, take a pause. What is it that you're chasing? Is it that title? Is it a certain bracket of income that you're bringing in? Is it a certain neighborhood you want to live in?
And if so, what is it that getting that goal would bring to you? Would it make you feel validated? Would it make you feel powerful and successful? What is it?
Realize that these are sensation and feeling states that you already have within you and are not attached to anything external. Nothing external can categorize you or define you because you are love, you are light.
It's so important for us to do practices every day. And of course, it's lovely when you can give yourself an hour or 90 minute amazing meditation yoga practice in the morning. However, a five minute, 10 minute intentional practice where you are with your breath or maybe you're just watching the clouds move or you're watching an epic sunset, essentially meditation is coming into full presence, doing that every day and reminding yourself, "Oh wow. I'm more than these notifications and emails that I'm getting. I'm more than this title and this external thing. I'm a vibration. I'm connected to the whole, we are energy."
It's actually just remembering your body knows what it's like to be at home with the oneness. So the language that I use a lot as I'm guiding ceremonies or yoga classes or meditation journeys are very much connected to nature, to the wisdom of nature when nature just is. You can see a beautiful sunflower and a Rose and a Tulip all in the same garden, thriving, they're not freaking out like this that was doing better than me or who am I to shine my pedals today? They just show up because that's what nature does. And you're in your radiance because who are you not to be in your radiance, especially when it's coming from a place of love and not ego.
So would you say that you have achieved enoughness and do you feel like enough or an and how would you even define it?
I am really happy. And I'm a prime example of when you nourish yourself and really give yourself that space, you get to live this beautiful harmonious life that's in alignment. And then you become a magnet for that, which is a frequency match of what you cultivate every day.
Last question for you is what does it mean to you to be a woman.
So beautiful. I'm so grateful to be a woman. We have such connection with our intuition and the cycles of nature because all of life comes through the womb.
And so that knowing of life, Prana, being in our very system is so powerful. We bleed every month, we have the full moon and new moon every month. So there's just this element of sensitivity that I feel we have as a gift, being a woman. I'm so grateful. And the key thing I enjoy about being a woman is that honoring of our sensitivity, our connection with our emotions and our intuitive nature.
Thank you so much. And I'm so grateful for you for your energy, for your voice, for your work. So thank you for sharing your story and your knowledge with our audience.
Thank you so much for having me, Lisa, such a pleasure.
EPISODE 30:
HOW TO RELEASE YOUR EGO
WITH SHALINI SARENA BAHAD
Thanks for listening, I appreciate you, and am here for you.
~ Lisa Carmen Wang, Founder, The GLOW, Leadership Coaching for Powerful Women